President: Abraham "Abe" Wong
Known primarily by the mysterious pseudonym "Abe." His early years are well
documented: His adopted father, a snow farmer in North Dakota, was harvesting
the yearly blizzard crop when he saw a small black dot amidst the sea of white
snow. He found the infant Abraham wrapped in a thick leather blanket. Abraham
lived an idyllic youth in the north country until his father was gunned down by
his rival in the snow business while father and son were in the midst of a
snowball fight. He watched his father's dark blood stain the pure white frost
and vowed revenge against striking, poetic death scenes. After murdering his
father's killer, Mr. Wong went underground to battle the organization
responsible for picturesque deaths around the world. His early years inspired
the movie "Hackers." His chief skills include the arts of stealth and
First Vice President: Akiva Leffert
While on a mission to hunt down Optimus Prime, Akiva came upon CMU only to find that the leader of the Autobots had since abdicated his positions as KGB President and Student Senator. Having tired of his peers' overall trend of general incompetence, he is currently AWOL and pursuing a PhD with his research on alternative fuels in the hopes that a more efficient energy source will allow him to finally topple Megatron and secure his position as leader of the Decepticons. Finding the company of KGB's members to be superior to that which he is used to, Akiva has commited himself to finding more who share his scientific outlook or otherwise fail to cause his logic circuits to overheat, and has agreed to serve in the position of the 1st VP.
Second Vice President: Lauren "Styger" Stiger
Styger was raised by alligators in the depths of the Florida Everglades. Her
life among the gators taught her the importance of a sharp knife when dealing
with animals as well as people. Also, it gave her a tendency to eat animals
whole. When not fulfilling her KGB duties, she patrols the swamps for poachers
and mafiosos. Unfortunately for her, the law doesn't like vigilantes and so she
spent 2001 in a Women's Correctional Facility in upstate New York. After
breaking out in a wild escape through a sewer pipe, she enrolled at CMU, where
she is hiding from the authorities and bounty hunters.
Corresponding Secretary: Matthew "Killer" Kehrt
Genetically engineered and raised by the Swedish government as a prototype
super-soldier, Matthew Kehrt was a failed experiment. Records suggest that a
rogue sample of elf DNA made it into his genome. Whatever the cause, he did not
grow up to be the hulking brute and killing machine the Swedish armed forces
were hoping for. Still, years of training twisted his adolescent psyche and now
he only barely resembles a human being. He dwells in the shadows often hunting
and murdering vagrants in a hopeless attempt to quell his bloodlust. It is
likely that his fierce desire for blood and power is accentuated by his role as
the editor of KGB's newsletter.
Recording Secretary: Rebecca "Math Major" Lambert
Former child star, she was the lead in a Russian ripoff of "Doogie Howser, MD"
developed by Soviet propagandists. She played a young mathematician prone to
spouting party slogans. When the Soviet Union fell, her career fizzled. She
ended up in the gutter reduced to eating left over issues of "Pravda." Appalled
at the level to which she had sank, she went on a soul seeking journey across
Siberia. As she fought the bitter cold and wild bears, she decided to become
what she had once merely played on television, a mathematician. Unfortunately
her years in Siberia froze her brain and doctors have forbidden her from
Treasurer: Emily Leathers
Emily is from a small suburb of Boston, known for its library with ducks. She
is definitely not an alien spy. She does not send periodic messages to her home
planet aiding them in planning an invasion. She is not responsible for hundreds
of unsolved murders. She does not wear the treated flesh of a murdered girl
over her own green scaly skin. She definitely can't cause things to explode
with her mind. You absolutely should not alert the authorities about her. Her
species definitely does not have a weakness for cesium. All of those things
would be preposterous. Humanity needs you.
Sergeant At Arms: Lizza McGregor
Three years ago, in her small midwestern village, Lizza was burned at the stake
by a wild mob accusing her of witchcraft. She was rescued, but not before
sustaining heavy burns and the loss of all her organs. She underwent intense
therapy on her skin, using a salve of her own devising, which she described to
medics between cries of pain. Since her injuries, she has been confined to an
elaborate robotic wheelchair which keeps her alive. Her medical situation has
not made her any less effective at quelling any disruptions during KGB
activities. She took advantage of her lack of mobility during her long
convalescence to master the art of pyrokinesis. She uses this power to repel
the attacks of pitchfork wielding villagers which plague her daily life.
Dossiers supplied by Akiva Leffert
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