Recent officers

President: Abraham "Abe" Wong   (web)

Known primarily by the mysterious pseudonym "Abe." His early years are well documented: His adopted father, a snow farmer in North Dakota, was harvesting the yearly blizzard crop when he saw a small black dot amidst the sea of white snow. He found the infant Abraham wrapped in a thick leather blanket. Abraham lived an idyllic youth in the north country until his father was gunned down by his rival in the snow business while father and son were in the midst of a snowball fight. He watched his father's dark blood stain the pure white frost and vowed revenge against striking, poetic death scenes. After murdering his father's killer, Mr. Wong went underground to battle the organization responsible for picturesque deaths around the world. His early years inspired the movie "Hackers." His chief skills include the arts of stealth and helicoptery.

First Vice President: Akiva Leffert   (web)

While on a mission to hunt down Optimus Prime, Akiva came upon CMU only to find that the leader of the Autobots had since abdicated his positions as KGB President and Student Senator. Having tired of his peers' overall trend of general incompetence, he is currently AWOL and pursuing a PhD with his research on alternative fuels in the hopes that a more efficient energy source will allow him to finally topple Megatron and secure his position as leader of the Decepticons. Finding the company of KGB's members to be superior to that which he is used to, Akiva has commited himself to finding more who share his scientific outlook or otherwise fail to cause his logic circuits to overheat, and has agreed to serve in the position of the 1st VP.

Second Vice President: Lauren "Styger" Stiger   (web)

Styger was raised by alligators in the depths of the Florida Everglades. Her life among the gators taught her the importance of a sharp knife when dealing with animals as well as people. Also, it gave her a tendency to eat animals whole. When not fulfilling her KGB duties, she patrols the swamps for poachers and mafiosos. Unfortunately for her, the law doesn't like vigilantes and so she spent 2001 in a Women's Correctional Facility in upstate New York. After breaking out in a wild escape through a sewer pipe, she enrolled at CMU, where she is hiding from the authorities and bounty hunters.

Corresponding Secretary: Matthew "Killer" Kehrt

Genetically engineered and raised by the Swedish government as a prototype super-soldier, Matthew Kehrt was a failed experiment. Records suggest that a rogue sample of elf DNA made it into his genome. Whatever the cause, he did not grow up to be the hulking brute and killing machine the Swedish armed forces were hoping for. Still, years of training twisted his adolescent psyche and now he only barely resembles a human being. He dwells in the shadows often hunting and murdering vagrants in a hopeless attempt to quell his bloodlust. It is likely that his fierce desire for blood and power is accentuated by his role as the editor of KGB's newsletter.

Recording Secretary: Rebecca "Math Major" Lambert

Former child star, she was the lead in a Russian ripoff of "Doogie Howser, MD" developed by Soviet propagandists. She played a young mathematician prone to spouting party slogans. When the Soviet Union fell, her career fizzled. She ended up in the gutter reduced to eating left over issues of "Pravda." Appalled at the level to which she had sank, she went on a soul seeking journey across Siberia. As she fought the bitter cold and wild bears, she decided to become what she had once merely played on television, a mathematician. Unfortunately her years in Siberia froze her brain and doctors have forbidden her from thinking.

Treasurer: Emily Leathers

Emily is from a small suburb of Boston, known for its library with ducks. She is definitely not an alien spy. She does not send periodic messages to her home planet aiding them in planning an invasion. She is not responsible for hundreds of unsolved murders. She does not wear the treated flesh of a murdered girl over her own green scaly skin. She definitely can't cause things to explode with her mind. You absolutely should not alert the authorities about her. Her species definitely does not have a weakness for cesium. All of those things would be preposterous. Humanity needs you.

Sergeant At Arms: Lizza McGregor

Three years ago, in her small midwestern village, Lizza was burned at the stake by a wild mob accusing her of witchcraft. She was rescued, but not before sustaining heavy burns and the loss of all her organs. She underwent intense therapy on her skin, using a salve of her own devising, which she described to medics between cries of pain. Since her injuries, she has been confined to an elaborate robotic wheelchair which keeps her alive. Her medical situation has not made her any less effective at quelling any disruptions during KGB activities. She took advantage of her lack of mobility during her long convalescence to master the art of pyrokinesis. She uses this power to repel the attacks of pitchfork wielding villagers which plague her daily life.