Recent officers

President: President: Charles "TimeBomb" Werner

People often get Chuck mixed up with the love child of Pope John Paul and a talking bear. Chuck has pretty much 'had' all of the girls in New York City up to this point, and he's gotten a bit bored of it all. When challenged by his stepsister Kathryn to deflower the naive Cecile, he obliges, though this is too easy a conquest for him. He sets his sights on a greater challenge - the new headmaster's daughter, Annette. Sebastian bets Kathryn that he can seduce the chaste and pristine Annette before school begins in the fall. Kathryn thinks this feat impossible and quickly agrees to the wager.

LAST SEEN: Looking kind of dopey

Vice President: John-Eric "Fingers" Hoffmann

John-Eric Hoffmann comes from a poor background. Raised by wolves in the jungles of Massachusetts, John-Eric spent most of his young life as a drug dog for the New York Police Department, much like the Eternal Patsy Cline (a cult figure not to be mistaken with country singer Patsy Cline).

Head of KGB's Ministry of Propoganda, John-Eric is perhaps the most dangerous KGB member with a spoon. Given his unreasonable phobia of spoons, this makes him very safe to approach.

LAST SEEN: Staring up at approaching alien ships.

Second Vice President: Dan "Cookie Boy" Hook

Dan Hook is a comic book character brought to life by an evil government experiment. As 2nd Vice President, Dan Hook has the most thankless job of all the officers. We hope to contact him soon, and make a deal to assasinate the rest of the lazy, more prominent officers.

LAST SEEN: Climbing the Eiffel Tower.

Recording Secretary: Margaret "Danger" Delap

We keep telling ourselves that Margaret Delap had nothing to do with the assassination of JFK. We only hope that our friends and loved ones never discover that we are living a lie. Margaret keeps the books for KGB. She does the numbers. All her neighbors described her as "a quiet, nice girl" and were "very suprised to hear that she had gotten entangled with a club like KGB."

LAST SEEN: Infiltrating society using her 'human form'.

Corresponding Secretary: Karen "Cruncher" Adams

Karen Adams is a random number generator built by Alan Turing to inflitrate the Russian Government. However, like her predecessor, Mr. Jones, Karen really fucked up.

As Corresponding Secretary, Karen is in charge of releasing the KGB Newsletter, Pravda? Therefore, if any agents have any submissions, they should contact her... IMMEDIATELY!!!!

LAST SEEN: Rewiring a toaster and calling it 'her new baby boy.'

Treasurer: John "Voodoo" Meier

John Meier is a neckless no-neck whose neck has ceased to be. If we hadn't nailed his neck down, it'd be pushing up the daisies. His neck has crossed the River Lethe and forgotten its former life on Earth. It has been reincarnated as a slug.

Meier's new 'cyberneck' is working out nicely. He knows nothing of the bugs and trackers that we implanted in it before he put it on. Unfortunately, his penchant for wearing turtlenecks has screwed up our surveillance.

LAST SEEN: Attempting to drill a hole into his head.

Sergeant at Arms: Fred "Fizzbang" Zeleny

Fred Zeleny was at one point mistaken for Daisy Church, but we know him to be the head of Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world. Standing two meters tall, dressed in flowing black robes and black body armor, Fred Zeleny is a tangibly evil symbol of the Emperor's doctrine of rule through fear and terror. Fred is ruthless, cold-blooded and cruel, yet considers himself the smartest, most sophisticated Decepticon of all. He can reach speeds of Mach 2.8 at an altitude of 52 miles, even while flying heavily armed with her heat seeking, air-to-air missles.

LAST SEEN: In charcoal.