Who ARE these weirdos?
The KGB is…
- an informal, co-ed social organization at Carnegie Mellon University
- almost 99% fat free.
- an eccentric bunch of nerds, geeks, freaks, visionaries, outcasts and ne’er-do-wells, who plan on being on the right side of the guns when the Revolution comes.
- by law, not more than 5 percent insect parts or animal hair.
- so much fun, your pants will explode!
- those strange people who run up to you in Wean or Doherty, fiercely brandishing strips of foam-rubber and demanding to know whether you’re on the red team or the yellow team. (huh?)
- so bad, we kick our own asses twice a day.
- has an average body temperature of more than 96 °F.
Who AREN’T these weirdos?
The KGB is…
- NOT that KGB. No relation. We can’t help you with your research for Russian History class.
- NOT Kappa Gamma Beta. The KGB is not a fraternity.
- NOT to be taken too seriously.
- NOT yet available in Oregon, due to obscure long-term repercussions of the Hawley-Smoot Tariff.
- NOT your fucking khakis!
- CERTAINLY NOT watching your every move. The rumors are groundless. Go about your business, citizen.
Our Stated Purpose:
We seem to have forgotten. Was it tortellini? Come to our meetings.
How can I be sure to get 100% of my USRDA of the KGB?
The KGB conducts its vile, godless rituals every Monday at 5:00 PM in MM 103. Come to meetings to learn about Capture the Flag with Stuff, movie nights, hi-tech excitement, Subliminal Geek Fishing, and other random acts of lunacy that we later deny responsibility for. You’ll hate yourself if you don’t. Trust us.