Glisson claims to come from Knoxville but his distinct lack of accent and talons suggest otherwise. When particularly hungry, he transforms into a frightening raptor which you most certainly do not want to cross. This ability he acquired while vacationing through time and space to when the Earth was young in his time-traveling dirigible, the S. S. Gumdrop.
When Glisson is content, he can be found whipping up a quick animation or whipping down the tyrants of the lower realms whilst humming some of his favorite folk songs. To keep limber so that he is always prepared for the potato uprising he exercises with some nose stretches.
If ever you find yourself enshrouded with a strange blue mist, know that somewhere Glisson has mispronounced something.
Australian Totem Animal: the platypus
First Vice President: Mander aka "Alan Kraut"
A thief and a scholar, you would be hard-pressed not to find this San Franciscan Harvey Mudd graduate climbing some sort of tall structure at any given time. Whether to obtain a rare diamond for Carmen Sandiego, testing his latest flying contraption, or for his own amusement, it is a well known fact that Mander very rarely has both of his feet on the ground.
Mander is believed to be a counselor of sorts, specifically of camp-goers, but more widely of things that move. Non-sedentary creatures often flock to him, attracted by his magnetic field, charming smile, and the distinct scent of tangerines.
If you ever need anything, anything at all, recall that Mander is 1.8 million gallons per acre and can sprint faster than a speeding fast thing.
Australian Totem Animal: the koala
Second Vice President: Richard "Rixhard" Halstead
Richard is quite possibly the finest chef you will ever meet. He honed his culinary skills while sailing across the Arctic ocean with a crew of salty seadogs and seacats who referred to him only as "Cookie". Why he left them? No one can say for sure, but chances are we don't even want to know.
After his seafaring adventures, Richard settled down in Massachusetts and became thoroughly acquainted with the art of fencing. He used this new found skill primarily for dicing vegetables to add to his world-famous salads, pastas, and mulch. The latter he sells commercially, but only in exchange for quartz dominoes.
If you happen to come across any abstract nouns taking on a physical form, be sure to contact Richard immediately--he'll know what to do.
Australian Totem Animal: the frilled lizard
Corresponding Secretary: Emily "e4knee" Forney
Emily was raised by herons on the banks of the Ohio River in Cincinnati. There she learned the secrets of all tongues, developing communication skills in English, Latin, Heron, Russian, Morse, Binary, Dvorak, and many more. She can communicate with darn-near anything, save for the elusive cucumber which has always treated her with disdain.
Feeling it was finally time to leave the nest, she migrated north along the river until it split and she found herself in Pittsburgh. Now she roams freely (on all four knees), equipped with only a trombone, a stuffed moose, and her own observational skills.
If you gaze into her eyes, you will notice they are two different colors. However, as soon as you look away, they are the same indeterminate shade of grey.
Australian Totem Animal: the kookaburra
Recording Secretary: Josiah "jboning" Boning
Josiah comes to us from Thomas Jefferson High School in Virginia... and you know what that means. Indeed, Josiah is not human, but rather a robot, sent in the place of the real student for reasons unknown. Despite this fact he is well accepted within the KGB since he's so friendly. That and he's likely to zap us with any of his 72 lasers if we don't.
A musician in his free time, Josiah's count of instruments is fairly impressive. More impressive though, is his ability to swallow each and every one of them whole. He usually does not perform such a feat, however, since he finds it much more enjoyable to strum a guitar than to digest one.
If you're happy and you know it, Josiah's left arm doubles as a weed whacker and his right, a vernier caliper.
Australian Totem Animal: the kangaroo
Treasurer: Laura "labbott" Abbott
A master of weaponry, Miss Labbott is not a force to be reckoned with. Her height, ability to melt metal with a stern glance, and cunning wit make her a very formidable opponent. Luckily, all our base are belong to her, so she probably won't harm us. However, if she ever changes her mind, we have reason to believe that torture involving honeysuckle will be in order.
Although clearly a dominatrix, there is a softer side to Laura. She has never been able to resist the cutesy-wutesy capabilities of baby animals. That is why she keeps a menagerie in her backyard in southern New York, and a mini-badger in her pocket when coding.
If you ever ruffle her feathers, know that she is rather fond of fruit and enjoys a just-ripened pear just as much as the next guy.
Australian Totem Animal: the casowary
Sergeant At Arms: Derek "dkozel" Kozel
The only non-native on our super team, Derek is from Menlo Park, California, Canadia. It's just like Menlo Park, California, USA except that all of its denizens must wear ridiculous hats at all times. Derek is nearly adjusted to life here in Pittsburgh where hats are no where near mandatory, but occasionally he will regress to his old ways and feel the need to cover his head.
In addition to this, Derek has technopathy. He can chat internationally, fits whatever he please into two gigabytes, and do the hokey pokey all by controlling gadgetry with his mind. Fortunately, he uses these powers for the good of mankind and also carrotkind.
If you are ever in danger, know that Derek's voice can break glass and hearts in less than five seconds but more than two seconds.
Australian Totem Animal: the dingo
-Officer files compiled by Emily Forney. Don't blame me if you don't get the references.
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