Adam was raised in the bubblegum fields of underground Connecticut. Growing up, he was much mocked for his inability to produce bubbles while chewing gum and given the nickname "Bubbles" in mockery. Eventually driven from his community in failure, Bubbles left to explore the wide world. Homeless, he acquired a single piece pajama suit to sleep in and a flower hat to aid in photosynthesis. He was able to lead a comfortable life, but was continuously depressed by his inability to produce bubbles. Eventually, he decided to study chemical engineering in an attempt to produce a bubblegum which would make it easier for him to blow bubbles. After a few grisly accidents, he produced an odd liquid and a fake mouth on a stick, which could be combined to make translucent spheres on demand. Ecstatic, he attempted to travel back to the bubblegum fields to prove his worth. Unfortunately, he got lost in Ohio and ended up at CMU. He remains here, constantly sending up bubbles that he hopes will fly back to Connecticut and let his family know that he is not a disgrace.
First Vice President: Tim Vaughan
Tim Vaughan was hatched in the watery depths of the Harmonic Ocean. In a bed of clams, he was an anemone, bending back and forth with the rhythm of the ocean. Tim eventually grew tired of his life tied to a single piece of rock, and longed to explore the ocean beyond where he was born. In an act of rebellion, he joined the evil seafood league, a roving band of villains. The league wandered up and down the sea, sewing minor disruption and annoyance up and down the Melodic Trench. However, Tim eventually noticed a growing discontent and a wish that his life were a little less blue. After much soul-searching, he decided that he was actually amphibious. He petitioned Bad Seahorse for a special mission of finding land and investigating possibilities for evil therein. Permission granted, Tim swam up the gulf of Harmonica to the shores of Texas. Upon touching land, Tim immediately doubled in size and grew legs. He wandered through various southern states and became indoctrinated with blues and country music. Tim bought a guitar, and now travels as a wandering bard, bringing music to all parts of the country.
Second Vice President: Tim Broman
Tim Broman was not born; Tim Broman sprang fully formed out of the head of I0XX9, a robot with strong AI secretly produced in Area 51. Armed with biological components, a complete knowledge of human trivia, and a hat folded from used crossword puzzles, Tim left to study how humans worked. After a dubious incident involving fire and party hats, Tim decided that the human conception of fun was reckless and dangerous. Tim undertook a cleansing of his brain to purge anything related to fun in order to protect himself from future incidents. Since that time, Tim has fairly successfully passed as a human, dodging a few inquiries into his lack of amusing pursuits. Tim can recite all of Robert's Rules of Order backwards and forwards, but never does so in full in fear of breaking his cover.
Corresponding Secretary: Margaret Meyerhofer
Margaret was abandoned shortly after birth, high in the Adirondacks, where she was found and raised by mountain lions. In the winters she sheltered beneath a deer skin for warmth, and in the summers she learned to climb trees with her unusually long nails. When Margaret was 10, she was caught by a hunter's net. She was dragged to an orphanage, where they attempted to civilize her. After mastering basic English, Margaret escaped by climbing over the fence. Unable to find her way back to the mountains, she joined a traveling circus where she learned a variety of gymnastics skills and had her hair died bright colors. She now raises tigers in the basements of CMU and sends them off with traveling circuses that promise to send them to mountain homes.
Recording Secretary: Alexander Orenstein
When the earth was a ball of molten rock, a dark shadow swooped down and nested in it's fiery center. Long years passed, and the earth cooled. Life began and evolved with no notion of the evil that awaited them locked deep in the earth's core. Then, in the early 21st century, a great crack appeared. If anyone had been around at the time, they could have seen a shadow creeping over the edge of the crack. However, when it was only partially out, the earth closed up again. The shade left on the surface stretched experimentally, and then solidified into a human with the title Alexander Orenstein. Called Xander, this shadow studies dark rituals, hoping to learn how to crack open the earth and release the second part of himself to cause mayhem and madness. He can often be seen giggling to himself about his evil plans, or covering himself in strange symbols as part of some arcane magic. He has even been seen in metal shops, trying to create giant hands to dig through the earth if magic fails him.
Treasurer: Kelly Harrington
The great New Jersey blizzard of 1990 was memorable for many reasons. One of these was the large thunderstorm occurring at the same time. One bolt of lightning, passing through no fewer than 12 unique snowflakes, hit the car of the proud parents of the newborn Kelly Harrington, returning from the hospital. Although there were no casualties, Kelly has been noticed on several occasion to give off sparks. Upon learning about the circumstances of her birth, Kelly developed a fascination with the concept of thunder-snow and surrounded herself with wintertime activities in the hopes that she will find another storm. She now skis, often being the only voice for continuing once the weather starts looking bad. She chose to come to Pittsburgh hearing that there are a lot of storms here, but has steadily been disappointed by the amount of snow going along with them.
Sergeant At Arms: Marlena Abraham
The Abraham family is one of quite talented tinkers. Several decades ago they found an abandoned zeppelin and retrofitted it. Back in the air, it is now their traveling home. Marlena was born in the air, with her first impressions of land being short visits her family took so they could repair interesting old items in the vicinity. As a young girl, Marlena took an interest in pocket-watches. She adjusted the speed of several watches slightly so that hung around her room they produced a calming rhythm, and confused her family by reporting widely varying times. However, as Marlena got older she developed an interest in hats. This was frowned upon by her family, for hats have no moving parts and thus are not proper objects of study for young tinkers. Eventually tired of the conflict, Marlena left the ship to join the thriving hat-sharing culture on Carnegie Mellon's campus.
-Officer files compiled by Margaret Meyerhofer. Pay no attention to the girl behind the computer.
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