"The homecoming dance at a school of lepers?!?!"
Five months in the writing, five weeks in the preparation, seventy minutes of decorating the room, sixty dollars worth of food and decorations, and two very insane, dedicated KGB officers went into the making of this event.
We took over Porter Hall 125C on a dark and stormy Friday night and turned it into the gym of the A. G. H. Hansen High School. Complete with streamers, balloons, confetti, snacks, and punch, we were ready to hold a homecoming dance like no other. We had a DJ, a dance floor, and thirty good high school kids. Their football team had just won their Homecoming game against the Jerry Lewis High School. The scene was set for a great evening of fun and dancing.
However, as always, there were complications. Julie had brought the president of the other high school with her as a date. Barbara and Mike had just broken up. Fred was moping because he'd had a crush on Julie for four years. The soccer players were pissed that the football players got so much attention. Heather and Mike wanted to start a moshpit, despite the strict rules against violence on school property. There was friction between the members of the band Strange Yoghurt. The entire staff of the literary magazine was banding against Kenny the valedictorian. The beatniks wanted a coffeehouse on school grounds. And somehow, all of these problems would be solved.. or there might be.. dare we say.. some serious slaughter?
The homecoming queen did not have a gun, but the students of Hansen High School were certainly ready to start some serious shit.
"Welcome to the Homecoming Dance!"
The night started out around 8:20pm, a little bit late, but close enough. Principal Slater greeted each student and gave them a ballot to vote for the Homecoming King and Queen. People began to come inside and mingle and dance a little. Things were going really well.
Suddenly, a slightly fast song came on, and a moshpit started! Kids were hurling themselves at each other and running around like mad! Principal Slater nearly had a heart attack, but he came over and stopped them. Things were good again.
Then, a little while later, there was a huge commotion from over on the dance floor. Apparently Ken Strickland had fallen over dead. ("Oh my god, they killed Kenny! You bastards!") Elaine had been talking to him, and he was eating some gingersnap cookies, and he clutched his stomach and fell down. A cry of "Don't eat the cookies!" went up as Principal Slater and Coach Lee dragged Kenny out of the gym to see what was wrong. People began to get suspicious and accuse Elaine of doing something to him, but then the principal and coach walked back in with Kenny. "Just a case of indigestion," it was found. Whew.
Bryan Nagy was found in the corner selling oregano to some of the students. Rumor had it that he was lacing some of the oregano with.. other things.
After a really wild polka danced by Deanna the cheerleader and Chuck the beatnik, things slowed down for a minute or two until Chuck and Ron and Virginia decided to go snatch up the microphone and turn the floor into an open mike area. Everyone sat down and listened to some really great poetry. (Here is Chuck's poem and Ron's poem.)
Then the band Strange Yoghurt tried to take the mike, but Brian Olson, their drummer, simply refused to go on. Roland was heartbroken; he wanted to sing his love ballad to Tao.
Fortunately, there was more excitement that took over the crowd; the moment everyone was waiting for, the crowning of the homecoming King and Queen! The candidates for Homecoming King were:
The candidates for Homecoming Queen were:
- Jason Riek, captain of the football team
- Cort Stratton, kicker of the winning goal in the football game
- Fred Zeleny, captain of the wrestling team
To everyone's amazement, Julie and Jason won the contest! Fred and Deanna were the Homecoming Prince and Princess. Jason and Julie danced a beautiful spotlight dance to the music of "The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun", and the festivities started up again.
- Deanna Rubin, head of the cheerleading squad
- Kathy Conley, another cheerleader
- Julie Dunn, a punk-rocker who got on the ballot by accident
Suddenly, another moshpit started! People were all worried that Mike Libby was going to beat somebody up.
A whole new commotion started when Jason Riek and Cort Stratton seized the microphone. They had captured the mascot of the other school! Yes, they were ready to burn the Jerry Lewis Teddy Bear. Fortunately Principal Slater stepped in before it got out of hand, and they were duly punished by Coach Lee.
Everything seemed back to normal, until about ten minutes later when Jason Grosman suddenly collapsed. He was dragged out by Principal Slater and Coach Lee, who returned with the dire news: Jason was really, truly dead.
Now everyone had to figure out what had happened.
This page created November 29, 1997 by Deanna Rubin, the insane KGB Second VP, who never put up the solution to the mystery.
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